


Kind of Like

by alwayseven



Category: American Idol RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-13
Updated: 2010-09-13
Packaged: 2017-10-11 17:52:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/115141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alwayseven/pseuds/alwayseven
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Four times Kris kissed Adam and one time it was the other way around.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kind of Like

Kris was going to blame it on the fatigue and the adrenaline. Later when he tried to rationalize it to himself, he would count the hours he'd been awake, the number of interviews he'd sat through, the repetitively stupid questions he'd answered.

There was no other explanation for it, for being alone in an elevator with Adam, both of them barely remaining upright, and pushing into Adam's space to press his lips to Adam's jaw.

Adam was the only good thing about a press tour designed to push them both to their limits. When Kris felt his cool start to slip, Adam was there to pick up the slack, bear the brunt of the stress and chaos until Kris felt he could do it again. And Adam, who was high strung without an anchor, let Kris do the same for him, take over when the lack of sleep and inanity of local news pushed Adam too far.

Kris thought he'd fallen asleep at one point on the way up to the thirtieth floor, leaning against Adam, his mouth open like an idiot and trying to keep from slipping to the floor, all boneless with exhaustion.

The elevator paused to let out the older couple riding with them and then it was just the two of them. Adam's hand was resting on the back of Kris's neck, security that Kris desperately needed, fingers playing in Kris's hair.

"Mmm, 's nice," Kris said, barely aware he was speaking, this slow warmth spreading through him at the way Adam touched him.

It felt like the right thing to do, a thank you to Adam for taking care of him, to lean up and brush his lips to the stubbled skin below Adam's jaw.

Kris felt Adam rumble like a purr, pleased. Kris liked the way it felt, that reaction from Adam, a kind of affirmation. He had to get up on his tiptoes now to reach, to line his mouth up with Adam's and kiss him for real, all _thank you_ and _yes_ and a dozen other things Kris never said in the daylight with his senses and wits about him.

Kris felt it this time, the vibration against his lips as Adam hummed, this pleased breath against Kris's mouth.

Adam's fingers tightened in Kris's hair, held him close as he opened his mouth a little.

They pulled away when the elevator doors opened, just enough that they could stumble as one weirdly entwined unit out onto the floor.

Kris had his arm tucked into Adam's, a guide to help remember how his feet worked. Adam stopped in front of Kris's door, gave Kris a tired smile that looked like Adam wasn't really even awake, and wiggled his fingers in a half hearted wave.

Kris fumbled for his key and before he disappeared into his room he mumbled, "'night, Adam."

 

*

 

The Idol team had been briefing the contestants for months, prepping them for the tour but nothing - none of the hype or press - prepared Kris for it all, for the sheer enthusiasm of the crowd, the energy of thousands of screaming fans and the way it fueled Kris.

The Portland show felt like it was supposed to be a test, a gauge of the response from the public. Backstage where Kris could hear the noise, watched on a monitor as the cameras swept across the Rose Garden, taking in all the filled seats, it felt real for the first time since the tour and Kris's place in it had been announced.

The energy here, behind the curtains and the lights, it was heady, overwhelming. Kris was waiting for it all to begin, pacing outside the dressing room and trying to keep breathing.

The door opened and Adam stepped out, dressed and made up and ready, and Kris stopped breathing for a second, stunned to his spot as he took it all in.

Kris had experience with Adam's theatricality. He knew what Adam looked like in makeup and costume, what he looked like before an Idol performance. He hadn't been prepared for Adam in his element.

Kris swallowed, his fingers itching to reach out and touch because Adam _glittered_. Dressed in pants that fit him like a second skin and left nothing to the imagination, a vest that left his arms bare, all that freckled skin revealed. Adam looked like something out of a world Kris had never been a part of.

"Holy cow," Kris whispered, aware in some hazy part of his brain that he was staring. But this was Adam and maybe he was used to people stopping in their tracks to take in their fill.

Adam was grinning, that one smile that Kris had learned, the one that meant Adam knew what he looked like, that he looked _good_. It was his _eat your heart out_ grin.

"Wow, Adam," Kris mumbled, reaching up to touch Adam's hair, to see if it was as soft as it looked, and maybe convince himself that Adam was real and not some crazy mirage of a fantasy.

"Good luck," Kris said, jumping up on his toes, hands on Adam's shoulders. Adam was all white teeth and shining eyes and when Kris kissed him, mouth open and moving over Adam's like second nature, he tasted sweet.

"Whoa," Adam said, laughing, trying to step away. "Kris, honey." There was something patronizing in the way he said it, like he thought Kris didn't know what he was doing. Kris couldn't find the words to say fuck, he _knew_ , he knew what he wanted.

Kris stepped back, blinking up at Adam and trying to shake the fuzz from his brain, this weird urge to push Adam down and taste the glitter on his skin.

When he licked his lips later, watching Adam from the sidestage shadows, he tasted Adam.

 

*

 

Kris wasn't supposed to have fallen asleep. Not in Adam's bed, not anywhere near Adam. Kris was supposed to be thinking about his wife, about Katy at home waiting for him to call and tell him about the tour, about life as an Idol.

But when Adam asked, Kris found it difficult to deny him anything, including staying. And Adam like this; face free of makeup, hair naked of product and swept out of his eyes, a kind of vulnerability Kris rarely saw, well. Kris couldn't say anything but _yes, whatever you need_.

Kris was learning the different Adams that existed; the Idol Adam and the no holds barred Adam, angry Adam and defiant Adam - a collection of personalities that protected Adam, kept the world at bay.

This Adam was Kris's favorite. When he had his guard down and he was just Adam, Kris's best friend. This Adam was beautiful, stunning in a quiet way.

Kris woke up slowly, eyes trying to adjust to the dim light, one lamp in the corner throwing the room in shadows. The clock on the table said it was past three in the morning.

Adam was asleep on his front, his face turned toward Kris, pale in the darkness. He'd fallen asleep in an old t-shirt and a ratty pair of sweats, his bare feet tucked beneath a sweatshirt.

Kris hadn't touched Adam in a few days, kept his distance because Adam seemed to think that Kris kissing him, drunk with exhaustion in elevators and pumped on adrenaline before a show, that it was a fluke, a mistake.

When what Kris wanted to do all the time was kiss Adam for no reason and for every reason, all the time. When it was just the two of them in the back of the bus, heads bent together over music or in a crowd of people waiting for proof that _Kradam_ was real.

Kris sat up abruptly. This wasn't where he was supposed to be and if he stayed any longer he was going to forget the reasons why.

"Don't go," Adam said and Kris realized that Adam was awake, wide awake and watching Kris.

He reached across the bed, his fingers around Kris's wrist to anchor him. Kris let Adam pull him back to the mattress, hand locked around Kris like he was afraid he'd change his mind.

Kris turned his head and Adam was close, right _there_. He felt like maybe he should say something, a warning for Adam to move if he didn't want Kris kissing him.

Instead, he rolled to his side towards Adam, fingers reaching out to touch the strands of hair matted to Adam's forehead.

"Adam," Kris breathed, the only chance Adam was going to get to stop this. When he kissed him, Adam moved as if on a trigger, rolling into Kris. Adam breathed into it. He cupped Kris's cheek and kissed him back like there were no wrong reasons.

They melted together, bodies matching up in a way that wasn't logical but felt _right_. It was slow and heady, intense and overwhelming and Kris focused his attention on Adam and the way kissing him felt like the only thing that made sense.

When it slowed, both of them sleepy and drained of energy, Kris tucked his face in against Adam's shoulder. They fell asleep like that at some point, their knees fitted together.

 

*

 

Adam wasn't ignoring Kris, but he was definitely ignoring whatever it was that was happening between the two of them.

Kris could feel it changing between them, try as they might to pretend it wasn't happening. It was like electricity passing between them, Kris doing all he could to keep his hands to himself, Adam keeping his distance as if that alone could put a halt to it all.

Kris wasn't big on talking or feelings but he needed them to talk about this. Adam found excuses not to be in the same room as Kris or in any situation where Kris could bring it up.

But Kris couldn't handle this distance Adam was imposing so he cornered Adam in one of the empty hotel conference rooms after an interview, shoving a chair underneath the doorknob.

"We're talking about this," Kris said stubbornly, resisting the urge to cross his arms and stick his nose in the air.

"Talking about what?" Adam said as if he'd stepped off the slow train. But he wasn't meeting Kris's eyes, and that was not how this was going to go.

"You and me," Kris muttered, tamping down on the desire to add _you moron_. Because Adam was in shut down mode, his face impassive, eyes unreadable and it was frustrating as hell.

"Look at me," Kris said sharply, fingers tugging in the neck of Adam's shirt when Adam didn't move.

"Kris." It was resigned. That's what Adam sounded like, resigned to whatever heartache he imagined, whatever impossibility he thought the two of them were.

"Shut up," Kris hissed, his face hot. He wasn't letting this go. This was worth a fight. "This is real, damn it, and I need you to stop pretending I don't know what I want."

"Adam," Kris mumbled. He touched Adam's hand and when Adam didn't move away, he fit their fingers together and held on.

 _Love_ was what kept flying through Kris's head, this repetitive beat pounding above the logic and the reason. He'd only ever said it out loud to one other person. He didn't know that he could say it now, though it felt real, important.

Kris shuffled forward, tucking the fingers of his free hand in the hem of Adam's t-shirt.

"Are you going to be an asshole about this and tell me you don't want this?" Kris was whispering, could barely get the words past the knot in his throat.

Adam was looking at him finally, like maybe he was really seeing what Kris had been saying all along.

Kris let go of Adam's hand to curl his fingers around the back of Adam's neck. He moved slowly, giving Adam the chance to say something, anything.

Kris moved first, by a fraction of a second, Adam responding when Kris's lips brushed his. Adam wrapped an arm around Kris's waist, hauled him forward and swallowed Kris's surprised gasp.

"Yes, please," Kris breathed into Adam's mouth, thankful that Adam couldn't hear how desperate he sounded.

They couldn't stay there forever though, and eventually people came looking for them. They pulled apart guiltily, fixing clothing and hair and trying to look like they hadn't been doing what they'd been doing.

When Kris looked over at Adam, Adam's face was oddly flushed, his lips swollen.

Kris tried to keep the smug grin off his face.

 

*

 

It was the halfway mark, five weeks into the tour when the novelty had begun to wear off, the monotony setting in. In Kansas City for a sold out night. It was just a really _good_ show, the kind that left you feeling high, like you could do anything.

The show ended and Kris felt the roar of the crowd propel them all off stage, the ten of them gathering in the enormous room backstage. There was chaos as they hugged each other, everyone sharing high fives and reveling in the feeling of having put on a show that was as close to perfection as it got.

Kris's heart was racing, his palms sweaty and he couldn't keep the grin off his face, his whole body throbbing with adrenaline. And like some strange Pavlovian signal, Kris's attention went to Adam, trying to find him in the middle of all noise and excitement. It was magnetic, natural now to want to share everything and anything worth sharing with Adam, to know what Adam had to say, to have him near.

Kris caught Adam's eye across the room where Matt and Anoop were laughing at something Danny said, where Megan and Allison and Lil had their arms around each other, jumping up and down.

Adam was staring at Kris like someone had punched him in the stomach, this stunned look on his face. Kris felt his smile fade, the high disappearing.

He watched Adam cross the room, this single minded look on his face, an intensity Kris recognized but had yet to experience first hand.

"What, Adam," Kris mumbled. Adam shook his head and right there in the middle of it all, Adam grabbed Kris's face between his palms and kissed Kris breathless.

Dimly, Kris was aware of a heavy silence, the shock he imagined on the faces of his friends but he didn't give a crap about any of it. He flung his arms around Adam's shoulders, hung on like he was afraid of Adam disappearing.

They were sweaty from the performance, pressed together from thigh to chest, Kris overheated and flushed, feeling dizzy. It didn't matter. Nothing but the shape of Adam's mouth against his, the beat of Adam's pulse.

Breathing was important though and it was difficult enough with the way his heart was racing. He pulled away, panting, overwhelmed, trying to figure out if this was one of those waking dreams that happened sometimes when he let himself get caught up in what ifs and Adam.

"Baby," Adam said. His voice was rough, his eyes dark. He touched his thumb to Kris's swollen lips and kissed him again, ignoring Matt's catcall and the cheers of the girls.

Kris couldn't be sure it wasn't fake, though the roaring in his ears and the beat of his pulse felt more real than anything before in Kris's life.

He slid his fingers into Adam's hair, pushed up on the balls of his feet and kissed Adam back with every ounce of adrenaline in him.

 

[ the end ]


End file.
